Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 2

One Night in the Hill Country med v3Queen

New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 2.

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One Night in the Hill Country

Thriller novella, set in Texas.

Immigrant and illegal children caught in a mad man’s plan to stop child abuse. Featuring former police officer Samantha (Sam) Lacroix.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MXGMN68

Reviews: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MXGMN68#customerReviews

Sample review: By European author Angela Lockwood on June 3, 2015

Format: Kindle Edition

This author likes to experiment with writing styles and push the boundaries of language. Love it or hate it, it should always be admired. This is my second book by this author and so far my favourite. Felipe Adan Lerma explains his motivation and background to the book in a prologue. His decision to go for very short chapters and an almost staccato style of writing, works well in this case. The chapters are told from a different perspective each serve to build tension. As Sam and the children drive into the Hill country looking for a kitten, we also get Tara’s story as she brings an illegal immigrant girl back to the farm. The two groups of people are set for a disastrous meeting. It was an unusual plot that had me gripped to the final nail biting scenes. The novella is very short at about 30.000 words and I read it in a day on the beach while I was on holiday. I would recommend it as a holiday or commute read. I’m also a big fan of putting cute kittens..ehm..well, anywhere and this book has a box full of them. Looking forwards to see what Mr. Lerma will do next.

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“a beginner’s view: the intent of this blog is to incrementally build a body of thought that works toward integrating various topics, yoga, fitness, and the arts – it’s a process…”


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Queen

New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 2

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September 03, 2015

Related Categories : Fiction – Thrillers

Related posts:

Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 1

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Intro

Below is the second of a series of posting leading to the eventual publication of my second thriller, Queen.

Set in Vermont, my wife’s home state, which we visit when able, and lived in for about a year and a half, the characters from my first thriller, One Night in the Hill Country, get into another dangerous exciting situation, this one involving drug dealers.

This is another sample from my revision process. I’m currently doing my last read-write through before handing it over to my wife Sheila for review.

Applying some point of view deepening techniques I’ve been learning more about, I combed my book for instances like, “he thought” – “he heard” – “he decided.

Eliminating a tag, like “thought” can deepen the pov.

Yet, a few books indicate, I think accurately, that’s not always a good thing to do.

Context, tone, and pacing are also factors.

Levels of pov exist for a reason. They reflect the degrees of our engagement with ourselves and the world. And reflecting those degrees, means sometimes keeping or altering a tag.

And sometimes, surprisingly, “distancing” affords space for sensitive material.

It’s all a balancing act. A fun one at least, for me (smiles).

Below is my “before” then my “after.”

Please let me know what you think, and any suggestions.

Thanks so much!

 

Adan

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Please Note: all work is © 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma and will be submitted for registration with the Library of Congress.

Author Notes:

The idea is to remove reader-character barriers where appropriate, ie, “Stilo heard” – “thought Stilo” –  “he decided” – with a more immediate reader experience.

A prerequisite is that the point of view character be firmly established, ie, no reader confusion whose thought or feelings or observations are being related.

Before

© 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma, pre-revision excerpt from the thriller “Queen.”

Stilo heard the joy in her voice as she took control of the meeting. Giving him and Massimo the authority, but taking the credit for making their idea work. Her father would be proud, thought Stilo. This, he decided, is a good thing. He pushed himself away from the table.

Startled, Raven jumped one step to the side.

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After

© 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma, in progress-revision excerpt from the thriller “Queen.”

Raven’s voice rose and strengthened as she took control of the meeting. Giving him and Massimo the authority, but taking the credit for making their idea work. Her eyes glittered. Stilo clearly saw the father inside the daughter. He would be proud. This..is a good thing. And he pushed himself away from the table.

Startled, Raven jumped one step to the side.

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Less deep followed by less shallow can create a stepping into deeper pov.

All examples © 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma, in progress-revision excerpt from the thriller “Queen.”

Now she’s upset, thought Mike. Right. No wonder Sam wanted me to talk with her.

Take your time,” he forced himself to say.

You must be a very good lawman, out there, back in Texas.”

She’s slipping away, gotta rein her back in.

In this instance, I kept “thought Mike” as I felt it reflected a deepening concentration of the character’s thoughts and actions as Mike talked with Raven on the phone.

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Thanks so much!

namaste´- con dios – god be with you

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Related posts:

Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 1

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About Felipe Adan Lerma

A beginner's view : integrating interests in yoga, fitness, and the arts - work in fiction, poetry, and images.
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3 Responses to Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 2

  1. Pingback: Jump-Cuts : A Style for Short Chapters and Point of View Shifts | Felipe Adan Lerma

  2. Pingback: Queen : New thriller in progress – Transitioning Multiple Point of Views and Settings | Felipe Adan Lerma

  3. Pingback: Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 1 | Felipe Adan Lerma

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