Queen : New thriller in progress – Lingering: Adding Reader Depth and Involvement

One Night in the Hill Country med v3Queen

New thriller in progress – Lingering: Adding Reader Depth and Involvement

Image on left:

One Night in the Hill Country

Thriller novella, set in Texas.

Immigrant and illegal children caught in a mad man’s plan to stop child abuse. Featuring former police officer Samantha (Sam) Lacroix.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MXGMN68

Reviews: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MXGMN68#customerReviews

Sample review:

By Robert on January 26, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase

Short and to the point sentences. Touchy story line, much like Hemmingway when he was a reporter. Keeps you guessing. Keeps you intrigued. A LOT GOING ON FOR A SHORT BOOK. Don’t know if it needed to be double spaced but creative writing is creative writing. Take a read on the dangerous side. Mr. Lerma has his own distinctive style. I like and enjoy it. A mystery to the end.

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“a beginner’s view: the intent of this blog is to incrementally build a body of thought that works toward integrating various topics, yoga, fitness, and the arts – it’s a process…”


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Queen

New thriller in progress –

Lingering: Adding Reader Depth and Involvement

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October 06, 2015

Related Categories : Fiction – Thrillers

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Intro

This is part of a series of posts about my editing process leading to the eventual publication of my second thriller, Queen.

Set in Vermont, my wife’s home state, which we visit when able, and lived in for about a year and a half, the characters from my first thriller, One Night in the Hill Country, get into another dangerous exciting situation, this one involving drug dealers.

Lingering is a term I first came across in Ray Rhamey’s book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling: Coaching from Flogging the Quill.

I was resistant to the idea at first, but have come to really value its use, especially as a targeted tool vs a blunt application across all pages.

Hoping you’re enjoying this ongoing creative process. 🙂

Thanks so much!

 

Adan

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Please Note: all work is © 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma and will be submitted for registration with the Library of Congress.

Pre-Lingering

© 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma, excerpt from the thriller “Queen.”

(Note: Originally 173 words in full chapter) –

From where they stood, at the base of a small hill rising the width of the campus, they saw the lake in the distance and realized, they were actually at the crest of a long wide rise dominating the whole city.

“It’s so beautiful,” said Cherise, also shielding her eyes. “I hadn’t even seen it, and it was here all along, right in front of me. Well, behind me.”

She laughed softly.

Comfortable being with her brother.

Antone nodded, enough so she’d know he’d heard her.

He searched the strips of distances. Land and water and mountains laid in layers beneath the dome of sky. Like a baby bird in first flight, amazed at what he saw, his gaze shifted, scooping downward to the shoreline, hopping across the breakwater, darting among the small green islands. Stopped only by the jagged outline wall of mountains opposite side of the lake.

In that distance, Antone could see the shapes, but not much detail.

His shoulders ached.

He was hunched over.

Squeezing his heart too tight.

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Lingering

© 2015 Felipe Adan Lerma, excerpt from the thriller “Queen.”

(Note: Edited 244 words in full chapter) –

From where they stood, at the base of a small hill rising the width of the campus, they saw the lake in the distance and realized, they were actually at the crest of a long wide rise of land dominating the whole city.

“It’s so beautiful,” Cherise said, also shielding her eyes. “I hadn’t even seen it, all that distance, and it was here all along, right in front of me. Well, behind me.”

She laughed softly.

Comfortable being with her brother.

Antone nodded, enough she’d know he’d heard her.

He searched the strips of distances. Cherise was right. So much right there in front of them. Land and water and mountains laid in layers beneath the dome of sky. Their mom used to tell Antone, when she was learning to walk, she was like a baby bird in first flight, amazed at what she saw. He was the same way, once, she’d told him. He could see that. It felt like that now. Not a baby bird, but maybe an eagle.

His gaze shifted, scooping downward to the shoreline, hopping across the breakwater, darting among the small green islands. Stopped only by the jagged outline of a wall of mountains opposite side of the lake.

In that distance, Antone could see the shapes, in shadings, but not much detail.

Like those postcards made of cut strips of different color paper.

His shoulders ached.

Back hunched like a shell.

Squeezing his heart too tight.

#

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Thoughts

My biggest concern about lingering and adding more depth was losing an attractive pacing as the price for more reader involvement.

I think that’s still a challenge, but doable and more fun than I’d expected (smiles).

Doing the work more consciously is its own challenge, and reward.

Thanks so much!

Best wishes everyone 🙂

 

Adan

namaste´- con dios – god be with you

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Related posts:

Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 1

Queen : New thriller in progress – deepening point of view, part 2

Jump-Cuts : A Style for Short Chapters and Point of View and Setting Shifts

Queen : New thriller in progress – Transitioning Multiple Point of Views and Settings

Queen : New thriller in progress – Conflicting Priorities: Reality Meets Fiction

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About Felipe Adan Lerma

A beginner's view : integrating interests in yoga, fitness, and the arts - work in fiction, poetry, and images.
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